Friday, October 30, 2009

Why Men Should Not Write Advice Columns

I got this from a friend today and it was so funny I had to share it...
 
 
Dear Jim,
 
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car started stalling and then it broke down about a mile down the road and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour's daughter!
 
I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbour's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?
 
Sincerely,
 
Beatrice
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Dear Beatrice,
 
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
 
I hope this helps,
 
Jim

Spirit week against drugs

It was anti-drugs spirit week for Logan. They did themes of mix match, hats, yesterday was ties(he wore Spongebob Squaretie as you can see) and today is school spirit day.

Spirit week against drugs

It was anti-drugs spirit week for Logan. They did themes of mix match, hats, yesterday was ties(he wore Spongebob Squaretie as you can see) and today is school spirit day.

Birthday Luncheon

Yesterday they had the October birthday luncheon. The ladies here at work all pitched in. The food was great and we played a game. There were prizes, and my friend Mindy always puts on a big show about winning a prize. She is so dramatic... but I mean that in a good way!

Thursday night is Scouts night

The kids, Logan in particular, has a great time at scouts. Mark, Paula and Brian are all great folks and very nice.

Gummie eyes

My friend Doris at work gave me these gummie eyes to give to the kids...

Thursday, October 29, 2009

"Something's got me!!!"

I just turned 42 this month.  I don't know why, but its got me thinking about my mom, and my step-dad Jack who have both passed away for several years now.  I talked to my sister Patti a couple weeks ago and one weekend stopped in to visit with my brother Mike.  The other day I was wondering how Jack's kids are all doing.  This got me thinking of something that happened when I was a kid.
 
When I was in my early teens, as a summer job, I would work at Sligo Feed Mill which was owned by my step-dad Jack. Jack "dated" my mom for like over ten years. He had been divorced for a long time so one day I asked mom why they didn't get married.  Mom told me it had to do with Jack feeling like it was a sin because his ex-wife was alive. I never understood that because his ex was remarried...  But mom never worried about it or pressured him (not that I ever heard about) and finally they did get married. There was a teen period where I didn't get along with Jack but seeing as I didn't get along so well with mom at that time either, I know now it was no biggie and nothing to do with Jack. Anyway, Jack had two sons, Tony and Tom. Tony has a wife and two kids (one of which was a little ass-hat named Matt: when we went to Opryland and I lost the totally cool Greek fisherman's cap my sister Bonnie got me from Greece said "that's okay. It looked stupid on you anyway!"), lived in Kokomo and worked for Delco. Tom (at the time) was a wreck of alcohol, drugs, and had a rap sheet--for stabbing the local sheriff's son in a bar...  Jack's two youngest were twins. Sandy stayed with their mom I think because I didn't see her much. Sam, on the other had, just got his permanent drivers license.  This memory is about Sam.
 
Sam and I got to go every once in a while and deliver feed. I always liked that part because you got to see the animals which were mostly just cows and pigs, but sometimes quarter horses, Thoroughbreds and even a couple farms that had Arabians!  The Mill would custom mix any feed to specifications, then deliver it.  We would get it all loaded into the machine called the mixer.  The mixer was this big blue metal bin with huge motors on the top and sides which drove large mixing blades inside.  It had windows so you could see, but they were usually crusted over with grain dust and molasses (the liquid pumped in to make the feed more appealing to animals).  It had this auger in the bottom where you could dump the ingredients (namely vitamins and minerals), the grains would be pumped into the top or come in through the hammer mill if some farmer came in with their own corn/hay/soybeans/etc. to grind.  The whole thing was supported on a scale which took of the weight of the machinery and the mixer itself.  Lastly, it had three hatches you can open to dispense the feed into bags.  Each hatch had a lip where you could put a heavy woven plastic or burlap feed sack and let the mixed feed spill out into the bags.  When the bag is nearly full, you take it off (closing the hatch at the same time) and tie it up with a special knot that I still remember how to tie.  These were loaded onto a pickup truck and driven to the stable or farm for delivery.
 
One day we were out to deliver feed.  We got only about a quarter mile away and Sam told me it looked like it was going to rain.  For rain, we always had a tarpaulin (tarp for short) to cover the bed of the truck.  To tie it down we used the same twine that we had tied the bags shut with.  I had a pocket knife, and Sam had this big lock-blade knife that came with a large leather belt case.  It was about the size of a cell phone case.  So we get out the tarp, and some twine, and tie it all down so that no water can get in.  After making sure that everything was secure, we got back in the cab and headed on down the road.  It was only a few minutes and I heard this "slam" noise like we had hit something.  I look over at Sam, and he looks sort of scared, but the truck kept going and we had no flat or anything so we both just sort of ignored it.  About a mile down the road I hear the same noise and I look over at Sam and he is white as a sheet.  It is clear to see that he's scared and I asked him "What's wrong, did we hit something?"
 
"I don't know..." says Sam.  At this point I'm thinking he's on drugs or something, so I begin to watch him out of the corner of my eye.  Next time I hear the "slam" noise I see movement out of the corner of my eye.  I look at Sam and he says "I think something's got me!"  Now I am positive he is on drugs, so I continue to watch him closely in case he goes into a seizure or something.  The guy is p*ss-your-pants scared!!  The next time I hear the noise, I see his whole body jerked over toward the door, his head is pressed up against the window for a split second!!  The truck, fully loaded with feed, jogs over into the oncoming lane a little.  I fasten my seat belt.  He gets the truck under control quickly saying the whole time "Something's got me, man!" and completely freaking out!  I actually believe him as it happens again and I can see that his whole body is jerked around like something from the Exorcist!  He's still saying "It's got me!" as he pulls off the road--this mysterious force slamming him into his door a couple more times as he is getting the truck stopped.  For a minute he just sits there breathing heavy and shaking, his eyes are wide and white like his skin.  He is scared sh*tless!!
 
He opens the door cautiously and discovers that a long piece of twine has made a loop around his knife case.  When the end would catch onto the rear wheels of the truck, they would run it over and jerk the case hard which was firmly connected to his belt...and thus his whole body would slam against the truck door. 
 
If I remember correctly, it never did rain...

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Flat Logan - Our Orcadian Friends Come Thru!!

Thanks to Mark and Sam for offering to help Logan with his school
project and getting such cool pictures and taking Flat Logan on some
really grand adventures! His final due date is Friday and he will
have just enough time to get it finished! You guys rock!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Dead Flat Logan

I sent Flat Logan UPSP to some friends in Orkney who offered to help
out Logan with his project. The teacher extended the deadline like
three times, and the last day is this coming Friday. Aside from
International Next-Day service, there is no way to get it back in
time, so Logan will end up with an "incomplete" for this project. I
am sad for him because he really wanted to be the kid who sent their
Flat Person the furthest distance, but sometimes these things happen.
It's hard on him to get a poor grade because he usually does very
well. This morning I was going through his papers and tears started
to well up about some "C" grades he'd gotten and he started making
excuses telling me why... I told him not to sweat it. We counted up
all the A's and B's and there were over twenty of them (mostly A's!)
and I told him it couldn't be enough to affect his final grade and he
would still get an A. I just hope the failed Flat Logan project
doesn't bring it down too much, but I fear it might---even a bad grade
is better than no grade at all.

The Circle of Blood!

So this morning I am slicing some Amish cheese, and Logan says "Wait Daddy! I need to get out of your circle of blood!" I asked him what he was talking about (I think it came out something like *snort!* "What the hell is that!?!??!!") And he explained it was something they taught him in scouts about handling a knife and using it. I was ecstatic that he learned a good skill and some responsibility! Well, ok...I think I was more impressed that he learned a new totally kick-ass term. I would guess its not an official scout term, but it is a cool way to cement that little safety device into an 8 year old's head. Next: The Triangle of Death!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Splott to the Vet

I needed to get Splott's seizure medicine refilled so I called the vet. They told me since it had been six months since he started on the phenobarbitol, they needed to do bloodwork. That sucks because it costs so much, but otherwise it has to be done, so here we are at the Shively Animal Clinic. Whoo hoo! Spending money I don't have again! The good thing is I feel a little better about it this time because I think he's starting to "get it" about the housebreaking. Much fewer accidents, and he's doing a lot better going outside and hitting the pee mats!!!

This is tea...

I am trying to drink more decaf and green tea...less coffee. This would be Kathy's influence. She has this crazy idea that I should do more things that are better for me. I guess she's right and so I'm trying. Possibly very trying to her patience... But I am doing a bit better with some things... Still, there is something very comforting to have someone around who cares about you.

Reserved Scooter Parking

Wouldn't you know the Highlands would be the first area in Louisville to have dedicated scooter parking! This is at the ValuMarket in Mid City Mall on Bardstown Road. I wrote to the corporate to see if they are going to put them in other locations. It had a great welded steel frame with loops to chain your scoot up if you wanted. This is a big mile-stone for us scooterfolk!

Friday, October 23, 2009

The Proposal

You know the only reason I'm gonna watch this romantic comedy is for Ryan Reynolds smartass lines. If they didn't write his character well, this si really gonna suck...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Tuna Melt

I have been making tuna melts for the kids lately. I don't know why I
got into the habit of this, but they usually turn out pretty good.
Something that will help is the tuna-strainer/drainer I got from
Logan's school fundraiser! The more moisture (I always get tuna in
spring water--never oil) you remove from the can, the more firm the
tuna salad is and the better it works when you heat it. My tuna melts
are the bomb, and the kids love 'em!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Funniest Birthday Card Ever

The inside says "Hope you get everything you want this year. Happy Birthday". My friend Theresia says she found this in Walgreens!!! Looks like something you'd more likely find in Spencers!! I must have laughed for ten minutes while trying to hide it from the kids who (I hope!) would not understand.

Sick kid

Lexie was feeling bad this morning and didn't want to go to school, so I had to bring her into the office. I told her that you really can't call in sick on your birthday because it just really looks bad. She didn't want to be home alone, so I had to drag her in to work. Poor thing is having some little feminine issues I think. I have to remember to pick up some Midol or something...

Birthday Cake

Kathy and the kids made my favorite kind of cake for my birthday...yellow cake with chocolate icing! And they made it with cupcakes. Here is the cake with four peices missing. Kathy fixed me turkey burgers, sweet potato fries, and cole slaw and we all watched Heroes. They kids made little gifts for me from pipe cleaners, popsicle sticks and paint. It was a nice surprise.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Cold weather...Frost Line

This is sort of cool. The picture was from our balcony yesterday morning. You can see where we had frost overnight, then as soon as sunlight hit it, it thawed out. The courtyard is half frozen, half thawed...

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Balloon Glow Without Balloons

The evening weather was very windy. They decided to cancel the spook-run-like clue run, and they couldn't put up the balloons. They did try, but it was too windy. Instead they just fired off the jets that heat the air inside the balloons. It looked nice and (along with some hot coffee or chocolate) would warm you up!

Balloon Boo-Fest

This was a little Highview community thing that they put on for families. The weather killed some of the fun, but there were firetrucks to look at, the little trailer that you go inside and they tell you what to do in case of a fire, plus they had hotdogs, chili, games, candy and they were supposed to have a balloon glow.

Man Attacked by Giant Centipede!

The kids, Kathy and I went to Sam's club to pick up a couple things yesterday, and I saw this man carrying a huge stuffed centipede...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Flop-eared Beggar

Twice a day, our dumb dog gets his "cheesey". It is a special treat of usually a 1/2" x 2" peice of plastic-wrapped cheese with his seizure medication-phenobarbital-wrapped into it. By his reaction I would bet its an addictive substance. He came flying in so fast this time when I asked him "You want your cheesey???" and hit paws first into the oven so hard that it knocked his ears back! Stupid!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Why I consider $tarbux ugly coffee

$tarbux is everywhere. Do I drink their coffee? Well, yes, but I also eat McDonalds hamburgers. Their omnipresence makes them #1 in convienience a lot of places. What about the quality? I would hate to argue this with someone with a more discerning palate, but I think their beans are just beans, man. I much prefer the ambience of a mom & pop non-chain, furnished with free wifi, the leftover furniture from a couple basements, tattooed and pierced barristas with friendly personalities, non-pre-packaged vittles that somebody made on location, and either comparable or better prices. All this aside, I think each one-stop gas n' such store should be equipped with at least one thrift store couch and wifi. I would hang there before $tarbux.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Really happy with Lex today

She did not have horrible grades last year...just not what you could call good. It was to the point that I thought I might have to hold her back. Needless to say, this is more like what I expect of her because I know how smart she really is. She stays after school sometimes to help her teacher when she has all her homework done. She likes the subjects and teachers, and works hard. She puts forth more effort. I am very proud of her.

Killed by the Balrog....

Take a second to look at this picture, and let me know if it rings a
bell with you...this is truly old school gaming folks...

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Weekend coming up

I need to do my oil change this weekend, but the weather looks good,
so I hope I get to ride!! I don't have the kids this weekend, and
have not a lot going on.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Weekend

This past weekend was a daddy weekend. My friend Kathy was down, and the kids had a friend, Emily, over to stay the night Friday night too. I fixed hamburgers and we rented Monsters vs. Aliens. Saturday we worked on cleaning rooms and we put Logan's bunks together leaving out the front peice to form a loft. There were some wierd guys having a yard sale at the apartment complex (which is not allowed) and they had an old dresser that they sold me for only $10...delivered! Kat and I cleaned it up and now I am not living totally out of clothes hampers! When we moved from a 2br to a 3br, the kids each needed a dresser, so I ended up without one... Sunday we played around cards (Skip-bo), worked on the apartment some more, and watched TV...this TV movie called Earthsea. Since the kids were out of school yesterday (Monday) I was able to get the day off. We played cards again, went to the park, then did a little mandatory supper-shopping. Bag-o-salad to go with pasta, and extra fresh mushrooms. I was playing a variation of soccer with Logan and stubbed my crocs on the kitchen floor. Hurts like hell when I bend my toe, and it swelled to about 1.5 times normal size. We watched Heroes last night after supper, then a movie called Bride Wars. I'm getting out of Netflix...we're spending too much time in front of the TV.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Lexie's Grades...

My wonderful daughter got all A's and B's this grading period! I am
so happy. What should I do to reward her????