This past Wednesday was pretty crazy for one reason only...
I was leaving from my apartment to go pick up the kids. Usually my ex and I meet to do the exchange. I live about as far south in Louisville as it gets. So I start up my 2001 Oldsmobile Alero, and all of a sudden there's this wierd bumping vibration. Not a little shimmy...I mean the car shakes some...and I feel complete loss of power on the steering. If your power-steering car has ever died going around a corner, you know what I'm talking about. It's like I'm back to driving Judy, my '64 Falcon---worse actually. I look up, knowing something is bad wrong with the steering and that's when I see little gray clouds wafting out from under my car! My thought quickly re-evaluated from smoke, to bird, to---uh, oh....something furry!
I jumped out of the car, barely getting it into park and popping the hood release. I threw open the hood, and wide-eyed still staring is a CAT HEAD!!! A split second, and I was like "...where is the blood??" Then the creature, eyes as big as quarters swivels its head toward me! I couldn't hardly believe it was ALIVE!!! This stupid cat had done something bad wrong to my car!!! I yell for my girlfriend to come over. I'm afraid to get closer to the cat to put up the hood stand, and I definately don't want to let the hood slam back down. She comes and shuts off the engine. I can see that there is gray fur ALL over the place. I'm wondering how this cat can possibly have ANY fur left! Two people come over to see what the commotion is about. One, is an older lady. The other is a little boy with a neon green plastic machine gun. The lady says to me..."Oh, I know the owner. He's a nice cat. Try to grab him out..." and I'm thinking two thoughts simeotaneously. The first is "You have fallen out of the dumbass tree and hit every single branch on the way down!" and "If I do that, my hand and arm will come out looking like I put it down in a running garbage disposal." I can see the friggin' cat is about as unhappy as cats get. Even moreso than my sister's cat Scout who HATES me.
The little boy (who has been aiming his 15 inch long green M-16 at the cat the whole time) says "Want me to shoot him?" I look at the kid and ask if I can see his gun for a minute. I gingerly poke at the cat with the orange tip of his green gun. Until now, the cat has not made a sound. Not a mewl, meow, hiss or anything. He's just staring around like "WTF?!?!!?!" I mean this cat's eyes are so big...he doesn't even look like a real cat to me! So anyway, holding the very end of the gun, it go in toward his head (the only thing showing) with the day-glo plastic tip of the weapon. The cat completely in a flash changes gears from scared, to p*ssed-as-hell! This cat turns into a feral demon of some sort! It chomps down on the gun like a steel trap and starts clawing the hell out of it! It snaps its mouth--biting down two or three times, all the time ripping at the plastic with its front claws---then it bounds up like a ball of lightning and out under a bush!
The two ladies (my girlfriend and the dumbass) both go running all "poor kitty" after the cat to check on it. Meanwhile the kid left and I'm just staring at my serpentine belt thinking "poor car". Stupid stupid cat! It was not even cold that day!! My girlfriend told me it didn't look badly hurt--only some fur missing. Believe me! I could have told you that without seeing the cat! Anyway, I had to get this special tool from Autozone to get the belt back on. Cat vs. Serpentine Belt. Cat 1, Serpentine Belt 0.
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