Louisville Barbies

This is way too funny.

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-edition Barbie Dolls for
the Louisville, Kentucky Market:

St Matthews Barbie
This princess Barbie is sold only at The Mall St Matthews. She comes with an
assortment of Prada Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign dog named
Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and
face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Lyndon Barbie
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan
and matching gym outfit. She has no full time occupation or secondary
education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

Middletown Barbie
This is an upgrade to the St Matthews Barbie. Accessories include the SUV
with an extra large gas tank.

Portland Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a
Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small,
untraceable bills). Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are
talking about.

Anchorage Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H 2.
Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership.
Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You
won't be able to afford any of them.

Okolona Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small,
a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of
Bud light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck
separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Glenmary Barbie
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit
and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription
available.

Fairdale Barbie
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled
sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of
Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake
fingernails, and a see through halter-top. Also available with a mobile
home.

The Highlands Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch
less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She
prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll,
but if you purchase two Tower Grove Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon,
you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

Newburg Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories
include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available,
but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Shively Barbie
Not much different from Fairdale Barbie - instead of the trailer, she comes
with bingo chips and a rosary. We don't know where Ken is 'cause he's always
hunting.

Main Street Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.