My beloved Judy

This is my sweetheart. She takes really good care of me and the kids, and we all love her. She is a car, a pet, a girlfriend, and soulmate. Judy is a 1964 Ford Falcon. She has a 6 cylinder engine, 3 speed transmission (converted from the steering column to a floor shifter), four wheels, two doors, and a smattering of other simple mechanical devices that make her go. I can do about 95% of the work on her that needs done. Got her on Ebay for $1700.

Real Food!

I can hardly believe it! I had cottage cheese, with a little shredded cheddar on top for lunch, and my sister made tuna salad (with lo-fat mayo) for supper. I am so not bummed about food any more. My stomach tollerated both without misshap. It may be as the doctor said: They key is to eat slow, and stop when you're full. If you eat something that comes back up, don't try it again for a while. Only if something comes back up am I not doing good.

When he came in I said "Doc, I think you did something wrong..."
He said "What's wrong?"
I said, "Look at me! I'm still obese!"
"You sure as hell didn't get that way in one day!" he replied.

Thought that was funny. Otherwise, everything is according to schedule. He actually said "Oh my gosh!" when he looked at my chart and saw how much weight I've lost.

I have this pain in my side. The OTHER side, and it feels different. It hurts worse, but it's not when I breathe. It just started today.

I went to Bedford with my sister. It was nice to not be cooped up. The drive was good. And I drove Judy* around a bit before I went, and then I drove her over here so now I'm mobile again. I can see my kids just about whenever I want!!!

*Judy is my 1964 Ford Falcon (picture following)

Good News/Bad News from the Dr's Office.

Good news first: i am at 402 lbs starting from 444 lbs when i first went in to see my surgeon. That's a grand total of 42 lbs! And 18 of that is the past eleven days since my surgery! Now the bad: i got my staples out today, but i have to come back in two weeks to get the tube removed. Ugh... But also i had cottage cheese for lunch because the Dr. said i could eat anything now...whatever i can tolerate! (some restrictions do apply)

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My two pet lesbians

I'm a little out of sorts. I have these two friends who were seeing each other (we'll call them Julie and Kathy). I'd known each of these girls seperately before they started dating, and I really liked both of them. Then they split up. Which happens, I know. But I had judged them to both be kind, good people. Now Julie is treating Kathy so bad. She's dating some other woman and its now working out. Kathy is taking the high road and has my vote, and I'm not at all happy with Julie right now. I feel a little hurt to see how off I was about thinking what a nice person Julie was, to find out later she's doing all these hurtful things to Kathy. Did I mention they're both very attractive?

Doctor's Appointment Tomorrow

I hope everything goes well tomorrow at the doctors. I am a little nervous about getting my staples and tube removed. I'm fearing the pain just a little. Mostly though, I need to see the scales, see how i'm doing. Also, I want to talk with him and see that i've been eating right...for now. I hope he'll tell me that I can go on to solid-solids. That will be awesome, though I've no way to prepare a proper meal here, really. I don't want to invade my friend's upstairs too much. I'm sure she wouldn't care...she's said as much before, but I know how much she values her privacy, and I don't want to do anything to disturb her routine. After all, she is being a true and good friend showing me as much hospitality as this.

Warning: you may be scarred for life

Ok, well, I wasn't going to post this, but I thought, what the hell...I showed my gut last summer swimming with the kids, so... You notice, the staples go like a little railroad track from just under my breast-bone to all the way down stopping about a half inch before my belly button. And so as not to scar anyone for life with my "scars for life", the bandage remains hiding where the drainage tube goes in. It's only about a 3/8 inch tube and hole.

Gastric Bypass / Weight Loss Surgery Disclaimer

I just want everyone to know who reads this: Weight loss surgery of any sort is very dangerous. It is NOT for cosmetic purposes. My very trusted family physician had been talking to me about it for two years. My history (besided morbid obesity)started with sleep apnea. Solution: lose weight. Then it was diabetes. Solution: control with diet. Then I had a DVT(Deep Vein Thrombosis)--a sizable blood clot in my left leg. That was the point where my family doctor who had been urging me to consider, finally said: you've proven you can't lose weight by yourself. You REALLY need to go to the seminar. They hold it once a month.

At the seminar, they explained to me that the complications I'd been having were directly related to my obesity. They got out the chart. The chart said that on average, at my Body Mass Index, I have/was/would be shaving 20 years off my life. My grandparents did good to make 80 with their angioplasties and triple bypasses. My mom died much younger. Father too. It was up to me, and when they finally showed me how much my life was threatened, I resolved to do the best thing I could do. There is no way I am going to be the cause of my children growing up without a father.

Now, the second issue. Why didn't I just diet and exercise. I'll have to exercise soon anyway. Well, the truth is that I have fantastic will power in some areas...but not concerning food. I have always been able to stop when I wanted with alcohol. Food is my addiction that I could not shake. I tried many diets, exercise programs. I never joined a gym...it was always beyond my financial reach...

Regardless, I feel that by having this surgery, I feel it was the best, most necessary, and logical thing that I have done as a father. It is very hard right now not being able to see my children every day like I have for the past ten months. The pain is bad sometimes, but nothing like that. Soon I will be able to drive again, start work again, get back in the swing again, and be a better me. Sometimes my judgement gets clouded with emotion. Sometimes I make bad decisions. But when I focus on those two children of mine that I love far beyond anything I have ever felt for any other being or thing...I can always count on making a good choice. And this time, I have.

Seeing my kids...

Okay. I guess it was finally due. I snapped and could not hold out. I could not be strong. I called X. I told her I absolutely had to see the kids. I mean I was like breaking down crying and stuff...I’ve been with them every day for the best part of a year, and I was thinking X didn't want me seeing them for 6-8 weeks when I was allowed to come back and live with them. She told me I could see them tomorrow and she said "I read your blog (amazed anyone does) and I never said you couldn't see your kids."

Well, I get to see them tomorrow and that will go a long way toward my healing process. After Tuesday at the surgeons office perhaps I can see them more often--I hope he'll say its okay to drive. My friend has been very hospitable, kind, understanding, but I need Lexie and Logan to be really happy.

I hope its just the way I slept last night, but my side has a sharp pain when I breathe deeply...like a yawn. I guess it could be pneumonia, but I don’t think so. Patti brought me some V8 juice that tastes like complete heaven, and a Sligo Feed Mill cap. Since I shaved my head, I have been wanting a cap. I feel like enough of a freak with staples, stitches, and tubes. I had my first bowel movement today and that makes me feel more human too (and relieved -- and like an old person for talking about it)

June 23rd, 2005 Front

This is the front view. I look a little lop-sided... Wonder what they did to me? I have incision scar pictures too, but I'm not postin them... The weight at the hospital just before surgery was Four Hundred and Twenty Pounds.

June 23rd, 2005 Side

I'm gonna keep taking these pictures monthly. I know the whole "shaved head" thing is a little extreme, especially for me, but I had two major reasons. The first is that it would be much easier to take care of...being in the hospital with a major incision...you just don't know when they'll let you wash your hair. And that drives me nuts. Didn't need the bother. The second reason is because I KNEW i'd be taking pictures of myself and posting them. With the hair growing in at the same time I'm healing, I can judge better by looking how far along I am in this process.

Home...

They DID send me home. Everything was fairly bleak yesterday before i took my meds. I was in a tremendous amount of pain. Today and even last night is mucho better. I have some mobility, better spirits, and a safe, healthy, friendly place to live for a while!

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Home???

They wanted to send me home today, but i didn't feel like i was ready, and i was very worried about being 100% on my own. Also i've had some extra pain i wasn't prepared for. Major abdominal pain from digestion... They brought me some of that wierd puree and i asked them if i could just have some bullion with crackers. Tastes fine.

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Pain/Spasms

Pain is a bitch, but i'll live. With the nurses help i just tried to switch to sleeping on my side. That was a big no-go. I was trying to do it myself and thats when i had this horrible spasm in my abdomen.

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RE:Get Well

Oh this completely sucks ass! The staff is good, now that we're clear of that crazy old woman down stairs. My sister Patti has been the only person to see me other than Jen who i met on mojo and works here. Tanya also came by but was not even in surgery yet... I have gut wrenching spasms occasionally. They're the worst. I just now got food. Same thing i've been 'eating' for days... I had to get up to walk. it was not bad. What seems to hurt worst is transitioning from one position to the next.

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Nerves

Well, this is it. I'm dropping off the kids at daycare now, and then it's over to the hospital. I'm about half sick to my stomach...nerves, but mainly no solid food since Tuesday and then nothing at all since 830 last night. I'm also having a bit of congestion...hope that doesn't throw anything off.

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One more quick...

I had to have some hair removal for the procedure yesterday. No big deal, but now i'm a little rashy. So I took it upon myself to take care of that business on my own today before surgery tomorrow. It feels wierd, and I am much colder. I did my whole front...and just because I was in that process, I shaved my beard (save for a goatee) and my head. That was probably a mistake, because (now I know) I have a sad bumpy head. But I thought it's one less thing I have to worry about in the hospital and during recovery. Still, I hope my stomach, chest, and head all grow back quickly...

Final Temporary Farewell...

This is my last blog before I have the Gastric Bypass surgery tomorrow. I'm packing up my PC and it's going with me. I'm going to be job hunting via Monster, Careerbuilder, and Hotjobs while I'm down but not out. If anyone needs to contact me, I'll have my cell. If you know the phone number, please feel free to use it. If I am able to blog in the hospital, i'll post my room number and phone number. Stop by and see me if you wish, I'll be in Norton's, and probably bored.

After Effects

I think i'm having some after effects of the drugs they gave me today. I feel beat. The kids are going to bed, and i think i will as well. I tried to watch Fargo (my sister loaned it to me) but i couldn't make it through the whole movie yet. It seems ok so far, but odd. What can you expect with Steve Beuhcemi? I hope i feel better tomorrow. I have a lot to get done. Man, i'll be glad to get the surgery done just to get this food monkey off my back. My stomach grumbles for solid food almost constantly. Tonight i fixed battered fish, oriental vegetables with shrimp, twice baked potatoes, and leftover crossiants for the kids and the GMX. I thought it was going to be unbearable, but it wasn't. Seeing the kids eat while i drank my bullion was fine. I wasn't any MORE hungry.

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Vena Cava Filter

I now have a nickle-alloy birdcage like thing inserted into the largest vein/artery in my body: the inferior vena cava. Its not very far from my heart. The inserted it through my groin. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. For the fact that it could save my life, it was much worth it. I am not 100% sure, but I think it can be removed later if necessary. There is a sample picture of one on this manufacturer's web page.

I'm supposed to take it easy, no lifting or strenuous activity for today or tomorrow. I can't even drive today.

RE:

This is a test. If it works, i will be able to BLOG from the hospital...

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I just finished at the surgeons office. All my tests were great, so
everything is a go. I am from this point forward on a clear liquid
diet, with absolutely nothing after midnight tonight, or thursday
night. I get the vena cava filter done tomorrow. Needle in the groin
is making me very nervous, but the surgeon said they don't even put
you all the way out for it. So it must not be too bad, right?

Birthday!

From the other room, I hear the GMX asking the kids "Do you know what
today is?" They answer things like: Monday?, mommy day (that day they
get to see their mother for an hour after work)?, swim day(at
daycare)?... She says "It's my birthday!" kind of cheerful and hurt at
the same time. Then Lexie says dully "Oh, yeah." and GMX replied
"yeah...no big deal...". She sounded very bitter towards Lexie.

Kicked out of the house...

Turn for the worst...the GMX is going to move X in after I get out of the hospital, and has told me I need to find somewhere else to stay for the 6-8 weeks it will take me for full recovery. Basically I'm on my own, and they've decided they will take care of the kids and X has hinted I may not even be allowed time with them. I think the GMX believes that for some reason a miracle will occur and X will start being a real parent. Well, X confided to me when we first split that she'd rather die than live with this crazy-bitch mother of hers. I don't see it lasting the full 8 weeks...they will kill each other by then. My fabulous friend with the back problems has offered to let me spend time in her basement recovering from my wounds. She has even offered to let us all three reside there. What a wonderful and uniquewoman she is.

GMX has recinded her offer for shelter beginning on the day I am
released from the hospital, until 6-8 weeks afterwards. I am to be
basically homeless during my recovery period. Now, she has offered to
keep the children for that time period. X will be moving in, and I am
sure that GMX sees it as a chance for X to realize what a joy
parenthood is, and she's hoping X will want to spend more time with
the kids.

With all the stress they're putting me through, a part of me suspects
that they have at least some small hope that I may not make it, and
that X can become some sort of a mother to these children enough to
raise them. I worry quite a bit about that.

I have to find some place to stay. As a last resort, I will do my
recouperation in the shelter in Jeffersonville. I would like to find
somewhere to go, where I can take the kids with me for the 6-8 weeks
that I am not welcome here. I was counting on a little help and a lot
of moral support from them. I love them so much and I don't want to
be forced to be away from them for two months. I know it will take me
a lot longer to heal if I'm kept away from my children.

Also I have legal concerns that Shellie will try to use this 6-8 weeks
in order to get "custody" of the kids. I don't know how much this
will hurt me later on when it comes time to sign divorce papers. I am
going to ask every friend and relative I know for help, not
necessarily to "move in" with them, but for ideas of what I might do.
They've given me until Monday.

I don't know why this woman is kicking me out of her home the day I
get back from major abdominal surgery, but its her house, and I have
no choice.

Gang Bang

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Thick and Thin

The following is from the email from my sister Patti, to my
mother-in-law (GMX). She is an example of how awesome a sister can
be, and this e-mail shows it plainly.

=============

Hi [GMX],
I understand everyone's concern. Here are my thoughts.

Kelly has spent the better part of a year going through the process of
evaluation, testing, counseling, classes, meetings with the surgeon,
etc. I applaud his commitment to getting this done. He understands
the risks involved and is willing to do it anyway. Why? Because he
wants/needs to be there for Lexie and Logan. Not just now but in the
future. He wants to be the best parent he can be, and be there for
them for the long-haul. His size is a threat to that, and he is doing
what he and the doctors feels is necessary to make sure he is a part
of the kids' future and that he can be there to parent them along the
way.

I'm sure the surgeon did not schedule the surgery to cause any
hardship on anyone. I'm sure it is the natural progression of a
commitment like this and not purposely done to cause anyone else any
inconvenience. I don't know that there would ever be an "ideal" time
to have the surgery.

Kelly knows that however I can help, I will help. He understands my
situation better than most, in that he's been there himself. He knows
that some way or another, I will be there to take him in on June 15
for the filter, and will bring him home. I will also take him to the
hospital on June 17, and will hopefully be there to bring him home
after recovery. He knows I will do whatever I can to help, given my
circumstances. Also, our brother Mike, and his family will do what
they can to help. Obviously, they already have with taking care of
Logan when Kelly couldn't get day care for him. They've also picked
up Lexie from school many times. Who else has done that?

What I find interesting is the lack of support from his "friends" (a
reference to Brad & Kate who started this whole shit sandwich in the
first place) and your family. I'm a bit surprised that your email,
and that of Brad and Kate's, doesn't mention Shellie (my soon-to-be
ex-wife [X]), or the possibility that she could take over parenting
for a few weeks. I would hope that friends and family would support
his efforts to be the best parent he can be for Lexie and Logan, and
that they would try to find solutions rather than problems. To me the
solution is simple: Shellie can temporarily take care of the kids for
a few weeks, with support from her family and friends. She can get
them to and from daycare, give them breakfast and dinner and make sure
they get baths and enough sleep. If that is too much for her, perhaps
Brad and Kate, relatives, etc. could pitch in as I know they love and
care about Lexie and Logan, and they know that Kelly is doing this so
the kids will always have a parent to rely on in the future.

I would hope that the people who profess to love him and/or the kids
would do whatever they can to help. However they can help. Once this
is over, and Kelly is physically better able to take care of the kids
(not just immediately after surgery, but for all the years to come) he
will also be in a better position to move on with his and the kids'
lives, including finding a home of their own, a better job, a better
lifestyle.

The alternative could be that, God Forbid, Kelly dies early from the
problems being this size causes, and then who would be Lexie and
Logan's parent?

================

See, she truly is awesome, has always been there for me...through
thick and thin, and I love her dearly.

Upper GI - Mmmm! Barium!!

Almost forgot about the test where I had to drink what tasted like a
cross between what I imagine to be the snot of some exotic beast of
burden, milk of magnesia, and an creamy asshole shake. The good part
was I got to watch it go down my gullet, into my stomach and then on
its way on out. It was black and white, but motion.

Nasty Letter

The GMX had a nasty letter waiting for me on the kitchen table this morning. It was all about her feeling she's unwelcome in her own home. Its because Tuesday night my sister who is on her shit list* came over and it was not approved beforehand with her. Well, mybrother just dropped by the day before and she didn't say a word.

*GMX sent my sister Patti an e-mail to the tone of "Kelly is being intentionally cruel to me because of when he scheduled his surgery. Please feel sorry for me and talk him out of it because it will be toomuch of an inconvenience for me at work.

So I wrote her a letter back. Then I gave hers back and she told me, "No, you can keep it." I insisted she take it saying that I did not want it and she needed to keep it. Also that we would "talk about this later". I might offer to go to her therapist with her at some point so that her therapist can set both of us straight on issues so that its easier to coexist. I'd expect the therapist to say something like "Bobbie, you need to quit being an self-centered, self-righetous,
paranoid, life-sucking bitch with a martyr complex."

I just got done with the ultrasound of my gallbladder. No stones evident, so now they do a nuclear picture with contrast...just to make sure, I suppose. I hate that gooey crap they put on you for anultrasound.

Well, artery sticks are much worse than vein sticks, but still not bad. What did suck out loud, and the most painful were the other two ultrasounds. They did my legs on one, grinding that device into the soft part of my thigh! Even worse was the one for my heart! They ground the little plastic handle into not only mt chest bone, but more brutally into this one same rib over and over! I know they didn'tmean to hurt me, but i'm sure i'll have brusing.

1st round of testing...

First round of testing went smoothly so far. I’ve had some blood drawn, an EKG, and blood pressure and gases. Labs came back all good. Also had to pee in a cup. I’ve been parking in the wrong garage every damn time I’ve been over here! It took 20 minutes to get to the place I needed to go for admission just walking over pedway after pedway.

They had a Q & A for several of the gastric bypass patients. Nurse, dietician, and shrink. I got answers to several question. After one week, I can drive a car. Even Judy. The surgery will last 2 - 21/2 hrs, but I will be back longer for pre-op, and recovery. I will be assigned a private room, because that's all they have. Insurance will not pay, so I will have to call Norton's when I get the bill, and dispute it to have it removed. I can take steps one at a time but no more than twice per day. I need to be up moving and walking every hour to prevent clots. I will be able to take meds and vitamins one at a time without crushing them. Ten to 14 days after I go home,

I will get my stitches out(on my first day home, I should call the doctor's office to schedule this). I can shower, but cannot submerge the wound until it is all healed. It is ok to sleep upright if I want. Full liquid/clear liquid diet for the first two weeks. 64 oz. of water per day minimum. 60 grams of protein per day minimum. Protein supplement daily if needed while on full/clear diet. Two more weeks of soft foods after that. Avoid sugar which will cause the dumping syndrome and only eat 3 times per day. One multi-vitamin w/zinc per day, or 2 kids chewables. B-12 daily sublingual(under the tongue) or monthly shots. 4 tums per day for calcium, but never with vitamins. The majority of my weight loss will occur within the first year.

There was also this woman there who was as big or bigger than me...she had the bypass just 18 days before!!! She looked to be getting around and surviving fine! That was very inspiring!

Also, my friend with the back problem is feeling much better today and that is a major relief. I was worried quite a bit about her because she's such a good friend, and because I’ve had enough back pain to know how it feels.

The kids and I checked out 3 daycares today. We agreed on which one was the best. I’m going to switch them over soon. The last one was definitely out...they tried to give me someone else's kid when I came in!

Voodoo & oddness

Today was an odd day at work. Just really weird and obnoxious calls. I got an email from a good friend. She's had a bad back for a couple days and i'd mentioned that i'd mow her 10 square feet of yard for her. She was still not feeling well, and was going to take me up on it. Tonight is X's night with the kids, so I was going to run over and do that, but her father came over and beat me to it. Instead I had my sister over for supper. She went on vacation to New Orleans and brought me back a voodoo doll. I think the GMX was mad that I invited her over without permission. She acted like she was... It was noticeable because I always cook supper and she always does the dishes, but she left them dirty in the sink. Amazing how petty she can get at certain times.

Fasting and Clear Liquids

Oh, they SO make this even more difficult! Well, just kidding, but I'm pretty much giving up food for life on the 17th, or so I thought...

I have to fast after midnight tomorrow and Wednesday nights...before extensive testing on the following mornings.

THEN, I have to begin a diet of clear liquids on th 14th....

I thought I could eat until the 17th. I HAD PLANS, MAN!

C'est la vie.... I will live, and in fact, that is the point.

Pool

I decided at ninety one degrees today, it was time to inflate the pool that the kids mother (X) got for Lexie for her birthday. I was not doing everything to the letter for the kid's grandmother (nicknamed the Grandmanatrix, or GMX for short) and she kept nagging me. I was doing my best to listen without saying anything back to upset her, and then she screamed at me "You're not listening to me at all! You're completely ignoring everything I'm saying!!!!" I only calmly replied, "Please do not raise your voice to me. I've not raised my voice to you." That seems to put her the hell out of my way enough for her to go calm down. She came out later more helpful and the kids spent an hour and a half wet. I'm not stressing it. I got to play with the kids, and I handled it very well.

Explanation: Several months ago, after the end of my unemployment, yet before I could find a job, I was unable to make rent, and we got evicted. With nowhere to go, but my mother-in-law's basement. Now, don't get me wrong...I am so grateful to her for saving us from going to a shelter, but there are limits to my will power. I have sacrificed much in the way of eating words, unjust apologies, biting tongue and turning cheek.

IPA, Poetry, and Scotch Eggs...

Today was a good day. I went to work and made money (well, I made SOMEBODY money) then I went to the liquor store and picked up some IPA. I had a friend who was mowing her lawn today, and I was going over to see her and I thought some beer would be refreshing.

I went to the library on the way over, and I did a quick search for poetry. I wanted a smattering of different authors so I could form and opinion of who I like, and who I don't like. Well, I found two books, one with British poets and one with American. I'm about 20 pages into the American and have not found anything I absolutely love. I like some of the styles though, and that's what I'm mainly doing this for. I also got one book on writing poetry. I was chatting one day with my friend Laurie, and she said that something I had written to her was poetry. She's a teacher, so I just figured that she'd know…having studied so much. So I started writing, and it just felt good to do it. So now I'm on to the next step…reading more poetry, and figuring out what I like.

After the library, I went to see my friend. I noticed that the lawn was unmowed. Her back had been hurting. I can completely sympathize having had a lot of back problems in the past. She was cooking something and vacuuming when I came in. I helped her pick a few things up because her back was feeling so bad. It felt good to help someone. We drank the beers and talked…I really love talking to her. Sometimes I worry that it's not near as entertained by me as I am by her. She's intelligent, witty, and nerdy to such an extreme that I never seen in a woman before…it's hard NOT to like her—not that I've tried.

She is also a fantastic cook, and artist, so things frequently turn to one subject or the other…not that we're limited between those two things…by far I think among just the two of us, we could sympose about ever-changing subjects hour after hour, digressing wherever the conversation leads and never shut up. Anyway, thing turned to the gastric bypass, and all the food I would no longer be able to eat. Heavy fat, or any sugar. She asked me what I liked, and one of the favorites I told her was fried fish. Well, she ended up taking me to the Irish Rover restaurant. Everything was awesome (I said awesome to the waiter twice and embarrassed myself). They had this very good mustard that was hot as hell. And the fish and chips were incredible. Beer as well. Oh, and Scotch Eggs...

I got a call from the X(my soon to be ex-wife) and she had put Logan (my son) on the phone to say "Daddy I miss you, when can you come home?" Well I spoke to him and assured him I'd be home soon, and then after I hung up I had this desire to crush something. My friend always has paper and pen with her, so instead I channeled the anger into something quick…I don't remember exactly now what I wrote, but it was something about stabbing me in the heart with a screwdriver….

After, we went back to her place, and I found out that she had made custard. I had never had custard prepared like this…real custard. It was a complete delight to taste. Logan and I tasted again when I got home. That was my good day today. I hope to have many more before and especially AFTER my surgery on the 17th.

Doom and Gloom

After some discussion with my online gastric bypass support group, and chat with my friend Laurie for a couple hours last night I feel less doom and gloom today.

Betrayal

Sixteen days until my gastric bypass surgery. Yes, I am scared. Mainly about recovery, not about the surgery itself. My "friends" Brad and Kate wrote this email to the GMX (Grandmanatrix) about how I was unaware of how long and difficult the recovery time is for this surgery and how much of a burden it will put on her and the kids. They know next to
nothing about me or my situation. They are both very self righetous and they think I'm making a poor decision. I think it might stem mainly from Kate who is morbidly obese as well, and who thinks that every fat person is just like her with her same body makeup and metabolism. She has struggled for as long as I have known her and anguished over her appearance. I think she assumes my decision is based on appearance and not my overall health, because it is that way
for her situation. I am really close to not ever wanting to see or hear from them again. They are both more than a little concieted regarding their own intelligence and wisdom. They act like I am their little experiment. They get upset and angry when I don't follow their
advice.

I talked to Tim at work today, gave him the whole surgery schedule. He told me one of our co-workers' wife got the procedure done, and despite the filter they put in her, she passed away from a clot in the lung 6 days later. That has been the most horrifying thing I've heard
so far. He was very supportive about time off, and coming back to work though.

My old boss Steven called me today about the surgery wanting to know when it was happening and where, etc. He gave me some words of encouragement and tried to make me feel better and be supportive.